Blog Post from Eden Tullis
Before all this Higher Ed business, I studied English Lit in hopes of becoming a writer. When I decided to pursue Student Affairs, I felt as if I was abandoning that idea. Thankfully, reflection is a big deal at Seattle University. 2 months after moving here from Kansas, that reflection is forcing me to see that my writing has everything to do with these big life changes I’ve endured. For every step of the way, I’ve sifted through my feelings by scribbling on paper or pecking away at a computer. August 22nd, was a particularly good day for writing and I. This is what I came up with:
It’s fall in the city of Makeyourmark.
Here comes Speck’s defining
moment, that which gives her a
fighting chance to be someone.
The noisy traffic bustles and leaves float
down to the ground. Both remind her of how
tiny she is in comparison to every other
wonderful thing in this world. She’s a dot, a grain…
one in a MILLION. Thousands of faces,
many races. Then there’s lil’ bitty her.
Splotches of winter flurries cover the
pavement of the place Speck now calls
home. On the outside she is
freezing but internally Speck
pulses. Now a more durable version of
herself, she can fight off
diminishing thoughts which defined her before.
Speck braves the cold and cherishes
her charmed life. Her new outlook?
She’s one in a million! She gets to play the
part of herself in a world full of dots and grains.
How organic. Fleeting but
stronger than anything else she’s known.
Intensifying…gradually for a period of time.
Speck won’t purposefully forget what this
feels like. She’ll try to hold on
tight and enjoy the ride.
Since stringing these thoughts together, my assistantship with Student Activities and a full class load brought on a new level of transition. I had just wrapped my head around the reality of moving 1800 miles away from a town 400 times smaller than Seattle! Then a personal stumbling block rendered me. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like the pulsing Speck. I felt like lil’ bitty Speck, unsure about everything.
Today, I’m in an in-between state. I’m finally to a point of balance, and this transition feels somewhat “normal,” but I still have strides to go before I feel completely comfortable. Re-reading that poem and choosing to see the good in even the challenging and scary moments with this organic process that is Grad school has given me so much to look forward to in the next 2 years. Thanks to SUSDA for helping me reflect and become a more durable version of myself.